This Dude.

He did the safety course at Breakaway before he let you work-Check out his Scapin. What’s wrong, chain wouldn’t fit around your waist? Maybe you shouldn’t roll around in a limo so much chubby. Horrible bag positioning as well. What are you a walker?

I told you this story. I’m in the safety course and Kotch asks everybody what kind of bike they have and the dude from the Bronx goes “Italian Steel BABY!” That shit ruled.

Not the safety course, that was super lame and useless…

Kotch: …and that’s my argument against two way streets and look out for car doors, track bikes are dangerous, get a brake, I have a bike racing team,blah blah blah thpbbbbbbbbbbbbbt. (That’s a wet fart sound effect BTW. You can read the text out loud in a NY accent and then make a long fart sound at the end for full effect.)

Everyone in the class: ok

….and the guy Kotch had an enormous ego that seemed kind of funny when we know David Leopold who owned Calvary was the fastest and best road bike OG. This dude Kotch just wanted to be tough.

Leo would deserve the ego, but he never seemed to have any with me at my short time at Calvary, if anything he was a real and caring dude when I started fucking up and missing work. I felt like they actually cared that I was going off the tracks. Breakaway was nothing like that.

Take a minute to recognize the man faster than anyone in Manhattan that could do it better than anyone on earth.

and LEO on Letterman:

I bet Kotch was so salty that wasn’t him…

Hey really any job you take you could be dead this afternoon. More likely if you’re a bike messenger I guess, but its not the most dangerous job out there.

Pictures and text from this article about how Uber sucks shit and is ruining everything or not what the fuck do I know about app messengers. I know Breakaway was a meat grinder with shit rates and a bunch of inside deals with customers to do truck rate work at regular pricing with no waiting time. Yeah Kotch you really cared about the messengers… cared about ripping off their paychecks. Calvary was the real deal comparatively.

Here’s a cool Samurai rider from the same article.

One more thing about app messengers, no diss homies, but if you work for that company where you have to wear a giant orange box full of food on your back you should maybe think about working somewhere better, or not, do you, I know its hard to work up. But I see the wind blowing you dudes around and I feel sad. I was behind this one of you and you were literally getting pushed into cars by the wind. Each pedal stroke you blew the other direction. I was picturing all these hoagies and sodas shifting back and forth in the orange box. Geez.

Also:
I’m trying to come up on a Samurai longsleeve. That shit is fresh.

The 10 Deadliest Jobs via Forbes Magazine:

1. Logging workers

2. Fishers and related fishing workers

3. Aircraft pilot and flight engineers

4. Roofers

5. Structural iron and steel workers

6. Refuse and recyclable material collectors

7. Electrical power-line installers and repairers

8. Drivers/sales workers and truck drivers

9. Farmers, ranchers, and other agricultural managers

10. Construction laborers

Please notice no bike messengers or cops on that list…

(You really can’t do better than having Charles Kuralt narrate a story about you. So much good stuff in there.)

(Do you see a driver has a more dangerous job than a bike messenger? Think about that next time you’re getting all Rambo Fantasy about yourself. Just to keep things in perspective-when you’re feeling like going on r/bikemessengers to talk about how ill and death-defying you are, the dude with acid reflux and IBS that drives for your company is in a more dangerous position than you are… )