Messenger Levels

Dec 21 2015


1 Job You managed to get hired.The dispatcher gave you your first job. You never returned. You got lost in the Bike Messenger Bermuda Triangle.

1 Day You got lost multiple times, got a flat tire, got hit by a car, got in a fist fight with a taxi driver and realized that this shit is not for you.

1 Week Friday night you went home and went to sleep at 5pm. You rode home feeling like a champion. You think you survived. All your friends went out and had fun that night. Not you, your legs felt like they were still pedaling when you lay down. You could still feel the vibration of the street in your hands and arms. You didn’t do much Saturday. To tired. Sunday morning you realize you have to go back to it. Fuck that, you’ll never show up again.

1 Season The most despised of all bike messengers, the Summer Camper. Need an exciting diversion to satisfy your adventure lust while taking a break from college? Why not be a bike messenger? It’s totally kewl. You can tell everyone on campus about your wild and crazy adventure… Fuck off poser. 😉 j/k sorry not sorry

1 Year You made it through winter, spring, summer and fall. You survived the rain and sleet and snow and ice and heat and humidity and consistent wind. You didn’t get killed by a bus. You look into your future, there is no way in hell you’re doing that again.

2 Years This is when you start to get a little cocky. Most of the people you started with our gone and real bike messengers will pay some amount of attention to you. You made it through, year one and went into year two feeling hungry. By the time you reached the end of it the shine had faded and you realized that it was time to move on. Respect to everybody who made it to two years. You were a bike messenger.

3 yearsJulian says in Boston you’re finally allowed to hang out at three years. It seemed relevant.

4 Years You worked full time for 4 years. You’re down. You’re good. You’re smart. And its over. You graduated from bike messenger college.

5 Years You’re like the guy who sticks around the college town after all his friends graduate. Its just not the same hanging around with freshmen. If you rode a track bike you stop and start riding a single speed with brakes and and fenders and racks all over the place telling the rookies how cool you are… All the old school messengers take you in and then you quit.

6 years Oh my gawd man, you have totally seen it all. What a G you are… Sike fool. You haven’t seen shit you junior.
Is this the start of a career or should you go make a movie or write a book about your crazy and wacky times as a messenger? No no no, you should get a shop job. If you do write a book all the 10 year plus messengers will shit on it. Bikes are expensive as shit, you need that shop discount. Or maybe your family has money and you can start some kind of company. Your own messenger company? An apparel company? A bike shop?
Continuing with the college analogy this would be a Masters.

10 years Maybe it hurt to much or you just figured it was time to move on. There aren’t many people left from your rookie days, you’ve reached your milestone. Time to ride off into the sunset. You’re a G. A broken, jaded G.Let’s call this a Doctorate.

11 yearsThis is similar to five. You’ve quit and re-started so many times. Your zen mind state is gone. At 10 you felt good, 11 looks bleak. Time to pack it in.

20 years+ By my calculations a handful of dedicated individuals are about to hit or have hit the 20 year mark. These are supreme messengers. You cannot surprise these heroes. They have achieved zen. Ultimate respect to these super humans.